one two three fourrrrnication!
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
