Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
