Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
