Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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