Betty ford says i'm here all night
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
