I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
