Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
and you fell through a lawn chair
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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