That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
