Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
the room spins SO much faster in panama
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
