Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
