I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
