I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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