my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
