Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
