he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
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