i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
