dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
send nudes
from the living room?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
