i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
