My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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