I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
