you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
