Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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