So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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