I am puke
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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