okay pat passed out under dana's car
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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