So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
