When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Semen is not good for contacts.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
