like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize