it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
