Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
