i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
