They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
