Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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