i need an iv and a liver transplant
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
