Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
