True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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