i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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