After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
