Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize