This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
