My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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