she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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