I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My ass is underappreciated
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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