i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I have already put on my inside pants.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
