don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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