i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
