I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
