Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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