im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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