You made me cry and you don't even care
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
