Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
