census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize