how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
