I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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