just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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