Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Come on in and take your pants off
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