just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
