Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
