Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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