I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
