Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
