Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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