I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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