So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
