i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
