i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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