so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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