I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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