Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
