I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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