my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
