New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Randomize
