i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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