she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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