I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
