i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
